Stop Blaming Others

Today I have arrived at a very important and significant realisation. For years I have felt very uncomfortable around certain people, perhaps through no fault of their own, but there was something about them that bothered me. I used to get annoyed with myself for instantly taking a dislike to someone who had done nothing wrong, and yet it was so strong, a switch just flicked in my mind. That is not my kind of person, I don't like the way they are, but why? Today, like every other day of my life, I was wandering along silently muttering to myself like a crazed old man, working through whatever it was that was bothering me when I unwittingly stumbled upon the answer.

"The thing I cannot abide is people who blame others, events, objects or even bad luck for their own problems."

Eureka! The answer, the thing that's been bothering me all these years. It was a bittersweet realisation. Firstly because it's not a particularly pleasant observation, secondly and perhaps more importantly, it identifies that I myself am guilty of this. I've been pretending that these people are responsible for making me unhappy…I've been blaming them.

Let me begin by saying that there are exceptions to this rule. Some people have been hurt very badly by the actions of others, and some people have been unfairly treated by society, employers or even their own bodies in the case of physical or mental illness. I'm not really talking about those people, although I will say that if you do blame others for every problem in your life, perhaps you should talk to a professional about it.

For most of us, if we behave badly the blame is our own. If we blame others, or attack them, put them down, insult them or are uncivil because of our own issues, then we are wrong. When you wake up in the morning you're tired, you've got to go to work, you can't do what you want to do, your kids are screaming, you've got a headache, it's raining etc etc. Then you have a choice: will I be grumpy and off with people, or will I to my best to keep smiling despite it all? Will I shout at the children and blame my job for it? Will I be unpleasant to my partner and blame tiredness for it?

Now, there are those who suffer from depression, God knows I've been there myself... but this is how these things manifest themselves. If a person genuinely cannot stop themselves being off with others, people who they care about, if they can't be civil to them and reciprocate the love and patience being offered them ... then something is wrong... and they need to take steps to put it right, whatever those steps may be.

Part of the problem with people who blame others is the fact that they cannot face any blame themselves. They cannot accept that they have made a mistake, not necessarily because of pride, but because that failure is too much to bear ... perhaps this stems from a childhood memory, perhaps it's genetics... I'm not a doctor... but I see this behaviour, every day in my life I see it, and I've become so sensitive it that it's having a very negative effect on me. I feel cheated because I'm one of those who've spent their whole life accepting responsibility for my own mistakes. If I mess up...it's me who is answerable, period! I don't like it, and I guess it points to my own issues, but who else can I blame? The government? Bad luck? My family? No!

On the streets of any big city you will see people who look tortured and put upon, and before you even think it, I'm not talking about homeless people, or beggars, I mean rich people, well dressed, well off, but miserable and full of self pity. Their long faces betray inner feelings that life has somehow let them down. They didn't get the breaks, they don't get the respect they deserve, people have let them down, life has let them down. If that's you...then it's you who's letting yourself and everyone else down. If you spend your life blaming others people, events and objects for your problems then the people around you are bearing that burden.

There maybe many causes for this. Perhaps it's the fact that we live in a world where everyone expects to become famous or a millionaire, and if we don’t achieve these goals then life has failed us. Perhaps during our childhood we were told that we could do no wrong and came to believe it so wholeheartedly that all failures and disappointments must be coming from other sources. For some people it could be that their childhood was not so good, they were not loved, ignored, or even put down by their parents forcing them to build a wall behind which they hide. So long as that wall isn't breached then they're okay, and the only way to stay safe is to never fail. Failure is something others do, not me!

I'm not perfect by any measure. I make more mistakes than the average person, believe me. I may even be making a big mistake by publishing this, it might upset even more people. If it does, that's my fault and my problem. I feel so strongly about this that I have to air it, and hubpages is a good place to do that because I always get good feedback and advice here. I feel strongly about it because it effects my life directly in many ways. I'm tired of having my head bitten off by people who are actually dealing with some other issue but cannot control themselves enough to be civil to me. If you're an adult, you need to act like one. If you cannot control your emotional state then you need to get help, but don't take it out on others, and don't blame the world for your problems.

For my part, I shall endevour to understand these people instead of allowing them to get me down.